Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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