by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're like the curious george of whores
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
