Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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