I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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