I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
