I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
