i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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