Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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