Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
