Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
