Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
