Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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