Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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