She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
