they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
