and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
