remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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