I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
