I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
