and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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