hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
