you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
