i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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