I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
