He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
