For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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