What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
