the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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