We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
