life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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