am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
