He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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