I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
