it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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