Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
