i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
