So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
