so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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