Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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