she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
