Just fell off a train. Bad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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