I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
