But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
