All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
