loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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