peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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