Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
