so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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