How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
