how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
