He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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