My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
