this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
