i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
